6 Ways to Achieve Emotional Mastery and Be Confident in Your Decisions

In a recent talk to leaders in the human resources field, I explained that one of the principles of a resilient leader is “Intentional Leadership” – where leaders make intentional choices or decisions by slowing down their thinking, and thinking through the complex situation from different angles before taking strategic action.

However, when they do that they also have to master emotional intelligence. This doesn’t mean ignoring your emotions or numbing them, it means becoming aware of what you are feeling and why you’re feeling that way when making a choice.

The key to emotional mastery lies in being able to be confident when making decisions. A resilient leader makes intentional, healthy (mentally) choices by being flexible and resourceful.

Understand that emotional mastery takes practice and you have to start somewhere. Here are six simple ways that you can start practicing to achieve emotional mastery:

1.     Learn to avoid drama at all costs

This is the number one energy suck that you’ll experience on your way to emotional mastery, and the less drama you allow into your life, the better off you’ll be. This doesn’t mean that you can’t be empathetic, but it does mean that you need to apply and uphold boundaries when it comes to energy vampires.

2.     Stop complaining, forever

Complaining doesn’t serve anyone’s best interest. It implies you have no control when, in fact, you are in complete control of your emotions. When you complain, you perpetuate negativity onto others (those you complain to), and no good can come out of that.

 3.     It’s okay to say no

Remember those boundaries we talked about? Here is another place where you need to uphold those boundaries. Knowing your own limits is the sign of a very emotionally healthy person. If your limits are exceeded, you cannot be the best person for yourself, or anyone else. So listen to your intuition when it seems as if you may be biting off more than you can chew. 

4.     Don’t discuss other people when they’re not around

This is gossip, and it’s right up there with drama as one of the top things you want to avoid. “Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak minds discuss people.” That was said many moons ago by Socrates, and it is still completely relevant today.

5.     Learn to become self-sufficient

Learn to be okay with relying on yourself. This is rewarding on so many different levels. My mother is a great example of that when she lost my father. She was 60 years old and alone. She started to make changes to her social life and now she keeps saying that life blossomed after 60! Learn to look within, and the rest of your life will blossom too.

6.     Stop all negative self-talk

I know, it’s difficult, but learn to identify negative thoughts. As a speaker, when I get inquiries, I’d like to close each one by booking it on my calendar. However, I’m not the only speaker out there and the potential client may go with another speaker. Believe me when I tell you about the tsunami of negative thoughts that run through my head:

“Should I have offered something else?”

“Did the other speaker charge less?”

I’ve become aware of these thoughts and now when I catch myself doing that, I instantly turn it around and say something like, “There’s more where that came from.”

Every time you have a negative thought, turn it around into something positive instead. Once you become conscious of those negative thought patterns, it becomes much easier to stop that habit and replace it with positive thought patterns.